I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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