Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
