Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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