Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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