Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
