we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
