The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
