I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
