Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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