so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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