The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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