we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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