I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
one two three fourrrrnication!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
