Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
