Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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