I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
