After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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