He is an equal opportunity slut.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
