Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
