Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
