I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
