I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
