Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
