Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
