god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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