Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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