So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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