Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
