At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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