He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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