Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
