My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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