When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she peed on how many people?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
