so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
