I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
