You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
