someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
