Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
