she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
