i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
