I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
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