Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
