I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
