did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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