We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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