I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
