She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
