Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
