the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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