as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
