there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
