How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
