did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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