I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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