i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
