It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
