I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Randomize
