We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
