I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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