all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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