girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
