I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
