He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
