hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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