I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
