So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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