I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
