Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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