still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
