i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
