Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
