a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
