I bet he comes in French.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
