I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
