I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
