Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
