Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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