I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
