Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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