I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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