When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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