You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
