I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
