so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
