I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
