After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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